It has been a while since my last post.
I feel like a different person. Only a year ago I look back and see a scared desperate mom and wife who lived for nothing but meeting the needs of those who depended on her. Never since I was a teenager, did I ask myself the questions : 'Who am I' and 'What makes ME happy'. They seem like such simple questions, but when was the last time you sat yourself down and really asked yourself what you really want to accomplish during your time on earth?
Each of us only has an indefinite amount of time. Are we really meant to spend that time working a 9-5 at a job that doesn't feed our souls, just to live paycheck to paycheck and watch our children grow to repeat the pattern?
I have been dreaming some pretty big dreams when it comes to what stamp I want to leave on this earth. I don't know how I will achieve my dreams but at least now I am taking the time to figure out what they are.
I literally forgot to check in with myself. If my mind wasn't on auto pilot it is because it was on disaster solution mode.
How do I know what I want? Take some time for yourself, pour yourself a cup of coffee, glass of wine or enjoy a happy brownie and in a quiet place with a journal, ask yourself the following questions and jot down your answers:
1: What do I like?
Think of activities, items, people, colours, places... you can choose to meditate on this or just jot down a quick list and add to it as things come to mind later.
2: What values are really important to me? If you are stumped a good list can be found here choose no more than 10
3: What are your Dream Goals?
If you could have/do/accomplish anything, without limitations of any kind, what would I like to have/do/accomplish while I am on this earth? For yourself? For others?
4: At my funeral, what do I want people to say about me?
How do you want to have influenced the world and people around you?
Now that you have a few Ideas - look at everything you have written down. How do you feel about these answers?
Do you have any of the thing on this page in your life right now? If you do, congratulations!
If you don't, What is stopping you?
The answer lays in how you thinks about yourself right now. Do you deserve happiness? - if your answer is anything but yes - it is time to seek help.
My goals were what I thought the world would want me to accomplish or trying to make my mother eternally proud. So look at your answers and to each item you wrote down ask of yourself - is this something I want? or is this something I think someone else wants of me?
I know when I looked at my list for the first time half the list was things I thought would make my mother proud and the other half was what I wanted to accomplish to make my husband happy with me.
On auto-pilot I was constantly depressed and anxious. I was still trying to accomplish old goals that I had set when I was young - Get married, buy a house, have children. Well I accomplished those ages ago - there was nothing left in life to do as far as I was concerned. we all need direction, hopes, wishes, dreams. So why not reach for the stars and potentially accomplish something that could change the world for the better. Remember that everyone who has ever made a change in the world wasn't much different than you - They saw something that they didn't like in the world - something they decided was wrong , not working or could be improved. They just chose to act on it. It is easier than ever go be a voice in the world. Everyone with an internet connection has the potential to change the conversation surrounding a number of topics in the world. What an amazing thing. So what conversation do you want to take part in?
Now that I have taken the time to check in with myself I have new and exciting dreams. So my new problem is narrowing down which conversation I want to contribute my voice to.