Updated: Mar 19
From time to time I had been known to make a cake or two just for fun. This one I made as a treat for myself for my baby shower. (More pictures below)
But shortly after putting this cake together, my illness worsened and I could no longer stand, sit or concentrate.
For a period of time, I didn't know what to do. Mostly I spent my time crying about my pain, discomfort and general despair. This continued for quite some time....
After many life changes and affempts to feel better I decided it was time to get used to my 'new body' and accept it with all it's flaws and discomforts. Only after accepting myself was I able to start moving forward and trying to find joy again.
I had to accept that I could no longer do things that way I used to - I had to find a new way of doing EVERYTHING or completely remove it from my life.
It's a funny thing to have to completely reinvent yourself in your 30's. At first it made me mad at the world and upset that this had happened to my body. But after doing a lot of inner work , I realized it was a blessing in disguise.
I was living life on auto-pilot for so long. Being physically abled bodied became my curse.
I pushed my way through all the obstacles that came my way - and I accomplished so many things, but I never stopped to think why those obstacles there or if I should be pushing through them at all.
This is how a disability saved my life:
I have very little energy, so anything non-essential gets examined very carefully to see if giving it energy is really worth my precious resources.
I have to examine everything I want to put on my to do list and ask myself:
Why am I doing this
Will I have enough strength/energy/focus to actually accomplish this task?
What will happen if this task doesn't get done?
Can I put it off until a day that I feel better?
Who can help me?
What is the most efficient way to accomplish this?
Will there be a return on the energy I put in to this (Will it save me energy in the long run?)
Now, I try to only choose tasks that will benefit me or my family. So what makes the cut?
I try to prioritize showing love to those around me, including myself.