How I learned to love myself... lumps bumps and all :
My entire adult life was overshadowed by a dark cloud of depression. It followed me everywhere. I tried to shirk it off, but the more I ignored it, the bigger it grew. It made it's way into every area of my life - everything in the world around me became filtered through this cloud of 'Why bothers' and 'What's the point'. I started havin my excestensial crisis at a young age and never resolved it. I felt like my time here on this earth was pointless - No one would ever love me because I brought no value to the world. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I became until my brain started to tell me 'You're a waste of space, taking up the world's time and resources while giving nothing back in return.'
Whether or not these thoughts were true or even made sense didn't matter - They were no truer truths I knew. I kept hoping that someone would come along and tell me that I was worthy of Love. Kept hoping for someone to come tell me how to feel better, but as time went on people came and went - using the exact words I wanted to hear, but it did nothing to ease the heaviness on my heart.
I had no idea that I was the only one I needed to hear from.
After two decades of complete misery, the fog is finally lifting enough that I can help others through the fog of depression and self loathing. I want to share with you the strategies I used to get through my darkest moments.
I've used many strategies to search for happiness with varying degrees of success. The road to recovery from depression is not what you think it is. It doesn't involve fixing any of your problems - or doing much of anything at all - what is does involve is a willingness(and eventually desire) to be open minded and see things from a new perspective.
Believe it or not - YOU CAN BE HAPPY - Just as you are, without changing your financial circumstances, wardrobe or getting a new job. I want you to learn to be happy even if nothing else in your life changes. I believe you deserve to be happy, you deserve to life all of your dreams and achieve more than you ever thought possible.
All you have to do is see yourself, listen to yourself and love yourself the way you've always wished someone would love you.
It's time to stop waiting for a knight in shinning armour and rescue yourself from the misery that has been holding you captive. I believe in you - If I can do it, so can you!
This is one strategy I used to start getting to know myself. You don't have to tell anyone else you;re doing it - it can be done completely in your own mind.
Give yourself an alter ego that is your 5 year old self that has been orphaned - and see what you would do for that orphan to make them feel loved - it will give you a level of compassion for yourself that you never imagined yourself having - it's a pretty shocking perspective change.
Also - treat yourself to some sunshine - Sunshine seems to be a resource that gets depleted easily and we don't renew enough as adults. Take your 'orphan' out to get ice cream and sit at the beach or on your balcony. The loyalty you build with your orphan is rapport you build with yourself and soon you'll be your own favorite person. Practice doing one nice thing for your orphan every day- compliment them on their cleverness, compassion towards others or just give them a lollypop and pat them on the head. Before long your little orphan will begin to open up to you - and that is when you can start asking questions to learn what made them so sad (and what their secret hopes and dreams are).
I'm not saying that every day becomes sunshine and rainbows, but as the fog starts to clear, you'll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Fake it till you make it with self love. I found thinking of myself in the third person helped me to learn to treat myself like someone I really wanted to take care of and make happy - I became the best friend I always wanted to myself and then I got to see me from the outside for the amazing generous honest person I am. It helps strip away all the untruths you have picked up through the decades.
You are worth every bit of pampering and happiness you wish upon others - and it's because you wish it on others that you are so very deserving of it. You are special and you matter whether you see it or not my dear.
Love yourself everyday - because I do. I may not know you, but if you've stumbled on to this post then I understand your struggle and you're one tough cookie for getting this far.
For good measure - Canadian Suicide prevention hotline: